


The core

by mymusicalbox



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Character Analysis, Gen, I was inspired, song by undead corporation, translated from spanish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 09:36:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6748537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymusicalbox/pseuds/mymusicalbox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An overview on what could possibly be Nue's inner struggles.</p>
<p>Or: I just love the song 'The core' by Undead Corporation (the lyrics are a little bit modified, though) , and had to write something in regards the lyrics of this absolutely awesome song.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The core

_Who am I and where you at now_

_Maybe I'm lost in the dusk_

* * *

 

A long time ago, I stopped wanting to answer questions whose response I'd never like to understand. Then, I decided to give up, just when my efforts were tired of its persistent futility- A long, long time ago, there came the moment in which I was extremely concerned about not knowing who I was. Although if I think better about it, maybe what bothered me the most was that I actually  _knew_ who I was, and that pissed me off to no limits. But I lost my way. I lost everything I ever was, and I moved far away, far away from here. Perhaps I'm lost, everything probably went downhill when I decided that I wouldn't fight anymore in order to keep my balance. Maybe the dawn didn't fulfill me anymore, or perhaps walking wasn't enough for me because I know that once, I could run the fastest, the furthest. I possibly didn't feel satisfied anymore by contemplating the sky standing on the ground when I remember having flown up there, a long time ago. I could be me, the real me.

* * *

 

_Divide my heart and my body,_

_I will find the core of me._

* * *

 

Isolated in an inhospitable corner, doomed to witness the same scheme day after day.  This could make me take the initiative, or even I could try again. Because once you've gone deep into danger, there's no turning back for you. I'm going to discern, I'm going to distinguish. I'm going to camouflage my fears, find the key to those puzzles which are said to be out of my reach. Furthermore, I'll stop asking myself some curious mysteries and I'm going to solve those questions I had deep inside of me. I'll find my core. Even if this costs me my very heart, my life, my soul. I swear I'll do it. I'd do everything for not being here anymore, alone, sad and still, crying over never having been able to follow my way. I'll move forward in order to reach the place I once stood proudly over, the place which witnessed my decay.

* * *

 

_ I want to know who I am. _

* * *

 

It is most likely, that Ialready know that. To be honest, the most plausible explanation would be that I always knew and never wanted to believe it, even though I'm the one who decides what to believe or not about myself. I'm the one who decides what to want, I'm the only one who decides what I am. Or that's what I'd like. At least, I'd like to know who decides that, as the moment I'm aware of it, I don't take responsibility over my actions and reactions.  But the ground feels so comfortable once you've fallen from the top. Ignorance tastes great once you've given up and refused to know the truth. And how it hurts to oblige yourself to believe all that bullshit, right? You should know that better than anyone else.

* * *

 

_Wind like whisper,_

_Moon like mirror,_

_reflects what I really need._

_Please tell me who I am._

* * *

 

Facing words becomes so hard when you've spent a lot of time living together with silence. It's so tough, having to see your own reflection when you've always tried to avoid it, hiding from that abomination. But I guess, even though this means I'll feel yet more pain, that's what I've decided. In order to find my core, to know who I am, I have to stop looking for alternatives and be that alternative myself, as that is a question whose answer has to come from my insides. But, imagine that, by chance, because fate just wants it like that, the wind which whispered to me knows the truth. Imagine that the moon, that every night has been my only mirror and source of light, is hiding something from me. Maybe they are reflecting what I need. Please, tell me who I am. Please, I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand me anymore.

* * *

 

Just break

Go deep into the dark

* * *

 

Actions don't make me grieve as much as words do, after having been sweetened by silence. I just simply need to break it before it destroys me, I just have to become those pieces that would shatter me, I have to get into the dark before being swallowed by it. It's easy, right?

* * *

_  
Stop that eerie song surrounding me!_

_It's making me weaker in the dark_

* * *

 

No... I know this isn't right... I know that if I keep up like that, I'm not going to take anything back! I know that I'll just prove right that stupidly eering melody which always reminded me how worthless I was! Staying in the dark is impossible for me at this rate, I can't stop longing for light, even though I know I'll be hurt. I can't stop being weak nor I can remember why I decided that moving on was the best for me.

* * *

 

_I can’t fall asleep with the fear of the unknown_

_Black insanity will get me_

* * *

 

I can't stay here for any longer, hence I decided I wanted answers. I can't afford relaxing myself knowing I started something as the endless amount of stuff I started, as the never-ending stories I wanted to know. But the unknown, is even worse. Because here, if I ever get attacked, I'll never know. Failure has been with me more than anything else, but even if I don't get up, if I stay on the ground, I'm still going to suffer, people can crush me. Everything can crush me, they can trap me, too. If I stand up, at least I'll be able to run.

* * *

 

_Releasing myself from my chains,_

_I'll go deep into the dark once again._

* * *

 

Because now, I know this horrible place by heart and I will be able to leave it for good. Now that I'm here, I will be able to cross this labyrinth without being afraid. I will find the key, I will find my core, as well as I'll find out who is the other part of me. I'll know who has been obstructing my way for so much time.

* * *

 

_The other part of me, is you_

_And I'm everything you've always wanted to know. I'm your light, your freedom. I'm you and everything you once were and will be again. Nevertheless, if you don't make it, at least you know which path to choose if you ever were to fall again._

**Author's Note:**

> This is weird and doesn't make any sense, and probably out of character, but I just love to imagine Nue feeling lost and trying to change her shape in order to find her core, her true emotions.
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed this! Hit me up on weakeninghope.tumblr.com if you feel like it ^^


End file.
